This is DEFCON 101. We've been doing this for quite a few years now.
HiWiz started this a few years back. I've been assigned to carry it on.
And basically what it is, is we're going to give you a little bit of information about DEFCON.
We're going to tell you about, you know, the things that are going on.
And then the panel, our lovely panel, is going to talk a little bit about their involvement with DEFCON.
How they got involved initially, and then, you know, things that you can do to get yourself involved.
Our panel just got prettier.
Yes, and smarter.
So, just in case you weren't aware, everybody was a noob once.
I was just talking to a guy named Ben, back when Ryan asked us all to introduce ourselves.
Ben's a noob. Ben's not afraid to say he's a noob. He's here because he wants to learn stuff.
Everybody is still a noob.
So, this is something that you can do.
You guys, nobody should ever feel like they're superior because they know some more.
Because you don't know everything.
Somebody knows more than you about something.
That was it. That was just a little preachy.
Welcome to Las Vegas.
Pace yourselves, please.
You are here for four days.
So, yeah, especially if you're Ryan.
Because this is one of those things where, you know, I've been here, and I've seen a lot of people passed out.
Apparently, Shaggy saw somebody passed out in front of his door last night.
You know, if you don't pace yourselves, you're going to do lots of really bad things.
Hey there, priest.
How you doing?
Yeah, I do.
Yes, please.
Hi, everybody.
Everybody remember me?
So, y'all haven't seen a lot of me.
Over the last couple of years, because, for the most part, you've all been very well-behaved.
For those of you who are new to DEF CON, I'm Priest.
And I'm the guy you're going to see right before you see Hotel Security, the FBI.
And I will be, hopefully, the guy keeping you out of jail.
Or I'll be the guy helping you solve the problem.
Which isn't why I'm here right now.
There are some rumors floating around that someone has hacked the PBX here at Caesars.
Or here at Bally's.
First of all, they're false.
Second of all, whoever's floating those rumors has really managed to piss off Caesars Entertainment.
How many people here remember the Alexis Park?
How many people here would like to go back to the Alexis Park?
Okay.
I remember one time in the Alexis Park, we had this huge tent that had air conditioning in it.
And two bright sparks decided to hack the air conditioning system in the tent.
We're self-proliferating each other while saying,
God, it's hot.
It's hot in here.
The point being, if you want to have nice things, pardon my language, don't fuck it up.
Don't mess with Caesars.
Because Caesars will mess with us back, and we will go back to the Alexis Park.
Or the Howard Johnsons by the airport.
So, yeah.
And how many people here stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night?
Anybody?
Okay, so nobody here is a lawyer.
Or, for that matter, can play one on TV.
The point being is, if any of you have the bright idea to key up with some cellular eavesdropping equipment,
or any other equipment, you are in violation of the United States Patriot Act.
And when I said you will be seeing me before you see the FBI, you will be seeing me before you see the FBI.
You don't want to see him.
Because they will take you out.
It's a very good choice, sir.
Because they will take you out of here in handcuffs.
Somebody did key up.
Somebody is going out in handcuffs.
So, be smart about it.
My kid now is 10 years old.
And we just had a conversation.
Yeah, thank you so much.
He is actually starting to do, on his own, without knowing what they are, buffer overflows.
And sequel injection attacks on some video games he likes to play.
Where he's getting free services.
We just had the daddy-son discussion about how hacking good, theft of service is bad.
Theft of service is felony.
Hacking service.
Hacking and turning it in for the bug bounty, good.
And basically the same thing.
Not that you guys are 10 years old.
But the same thing applies here.
Please do not do something stupid.
The last person who did something stupid threatened the life of the vice president.
And actually spent quite a bit of time in jail for it.
And the FBI this year very much is looking for people to key up on the cell networks, on the wireless networks, everything else.
And.
Thank you.
You don't want to meet this guy.
Yeah.
I'm putting the message out.
This is the last of the messages.
They're rushing around the stage.
The point is I was asked to warn you about that.
Please don't mess it up.
We like it here.
We want to be at Caesar's Palace next year.
We want to be back here the year after that.
So please don't mess it up.
Okay.
Thanks, guys.
We're going to cover don't be an asshat or a fucktard later on in this talk.
For right now, fun fact.
Among other things.
Uh, prostitution is not legal here in Las Vegas.
You got to go someplace else.
You see those people flipping their cards, trying to get you to meet an escort that doesn't look anything like the card.
How do you know?
He knows all the escorts.
He knows all the escorts.
Trust me.
Right.
He said, trust me.
I've seen it.
Why is it?
I've seen this.
All right.
Stay hydrated.
You are in the desert.
Drink a lot of water.
Try something with electrolytes.
If you can find some Brondo, drink that.
What's that?
It is wood.
Yes.
You can also try to strike a good balance of other things.
It's fine if you want to go ahead and drink beer.
That can't be the only thing you're drinking.
Because remember, as much as you're putting in, you're putting out.
Another fun fact.
You can drink too much water.
Hyponatremia.
And it is water intoxication.
So again, strike a good balance.
We have simple rules here for having a good time at DEF CON.
You need to get at least three hours of sleep a night.
Thank you very much.
I have my own.
Practice what you preach.
I have my own laugh track.
Yes, exactly.
Practice.
So Ryan told you all about the badges.
If you were here for the last talk.
That's for the whole week, right?
Yeah.
No.
Three hours a night.
We were here.
We were up very late last night doing the badges.
Some of the guys here were up much later than I was.
Some guys are still up.
Three.
Yes.
Some guys are still up.
You?
Yeah.
Two.
Eat at least two meals a day.
The hotel actually has pretty good food down in the food court.
It's relatively cheap.
It's relatively good.
DEF CON offers some different cafes.
So if you're interested, you can go to DEF CON.
They have improved the food significantly over the past few years, and they have also
reduced the price.
So there are lots of opportunities for you to eat.
Please make sure that you do it.
Bathe at least once per day.
Honestly, guys and girls, deodorant is your friend.
I know that everybody's here that is hanging out, and you want to just spend time having
a good time.
I want you to know.
Fun fact.
Fun fact number three now.
Mosquitoes are attracted to body odor.
So, you know, I've seen some of the mosquitoes.
There are mosquitoes here.
They're big.
They don't have West Nile.
They don't have Zika.
Yeah.
They do.
Here?
Yeah.
In Nevada.
Oh, okay.
There you go.
So every single one of you better wash yourselves good.
All right.
Yes.
With soap, please.
And apply deodorant.
Do not apply cologne like it's armor.
And, you know, just a word about your shirts.
This goes for the guys.
Underbelly, not sexy.
Abs are, though.
Yes.
Abs are sexy.
Especially for you.
I'm the choking gay on the panel.
It's true.
This is a different story.
This is a diverse panel.
We have our token.
Right.
Yeah.
Now, every year, I hear all kinds of people talking about they leave and they get the
DEFCON crud.
They spend a week sick as dogs.
You don't get to go to work, doing whatever.
Fist your friends.
Seriously.
Fist them often.
When you go to the bathroom.
Not hard.
No.
No.
No.
Do not fist hard.
If anyone needs any help, I'm over here.
Wash your hands.
Please.
Please.
Please.
After the fisting.
And after peeing and after so many other things.
Because another fun fact.
Here's actually a pretty cool study.
2014.
The study revealed that fist bumps actually convey fewer germs.
Like 90% fewer germs.
So just saying.
Think about fisting.
Think about it.
this is dick notice dick is a hacker you can tell he's a hacker because he has
his middle finger extended and he has on a ski mask
we're gonna go over ways you cannot be a dick we got some of the basics please hold doors for
people don't even think that you're the only person that's walking through that door please
check and keep your head up I had to tell a couple of people on my way over here please
lift your head out of your phone because you're not paying attention to where you're going and
it was actually kind of funny the other day we were laughing somebody was saying how how
much they had moves and it would have been awesome because they turned around and there
was somebody right there and they almost crashed so please make sure that you pay attention and
if you're gonna you know this is DEF CON a lot of us only see each other once a year if you're
gonna have that meeting
step to the side of the hallway please do not hold your family reunion in the middle of the
hall our halls are narrow enough another fun fact who has downloaded the hacker tracker app
the hacker tracker app was created by an awesome chick Whitney and she works with us
and she has all the information in an app you know this it makes it so much easier than
carrying around your program so I would strongly have suggested that you would have downloaded it
before coming to the DEF CON network all right remember priest talk please do not be an
asshat don't ruin everybody's time there are a lot of people here that are here to really have a
good time and there is a lot of fun stuff. DEF CON offers a lot of fun stuff. There are
parties. There are lots of different opportunities. As a matter of fact, please stick around.
There's a party after this hosted by DEF CON and Duo Security. But if you're going to be an
asshat, if you're going to do this stuff. Oh, yeah, free beer. Right, yeah. Please stick
around. There's going to be free beer. I probably should have led with that.
But like Priest was saying, you know, don't do stupid stuff. Don't throw things in the
air, sir. You know, you don't want to, you could put an eye out. We don't want to, we
don't want to have, nobody else? Really? You could put an eye out? Nobody, nobody. You
can heckle here. This is fine. But please don't heckle the other speakers. Everybody
that's done this has done a lot of work. Some of the people up on the panel were actually
CFP review board members. I hope that I'm not exposing anybody. But, you know, one of
the things that we wanted to do is make sure that we're getting quality talks. People put
a lot of effort into their talks. Just because you don't agree with something or you might
know something, wait until they're done and talk to them afterwards, please. Here's something.
Yes.
Yes. You're seeing people for the first time. And it's awkward hug time. I would strongly
suggest that you're going to ask. Ask before you just simply walk up and hug somebody. Otherwise
you get that church hug where you're like this with one hand or you've got your arms
in between or somebody's squeezing you and you've got a Tyrannosaurus Rex thing going
on. So try and make sure that that's appropriate.
Mike, I do have a question. Do you prefer the fisting or the free hug? The free hug
or the fisting?
Fist me first, then hug me.
All right. A word about phones and wireless. Again, you should have downloaded Hacker Tracker
before coming here. And you heard, there are people apparently willing to screw around
with the wireless and the phones. And this is something that you really don't want to
mess with. So my suggestion is make sure that you've got your wireless turned off. Just
do the simple OPSEC things that you would normally do if you were actually thinking
about this and not trying to figure out how much beer you can get into your body by the
end of the day. And it is a hacker convention. So expect to be in some sort of pictures.
Somebody's going to take a picture because everybody's got a phone in their pocket. Everybody's
phone has a camera. Everybody's taking pictures. Please don't be upset. If you see that somebody
has taken your picture and you don't approve, just ask. Chances are you're already in there.
are they'll delete the picture for you if they don't you're welcome to talk to
one of our sock goons but most likely they're gonna remind you that you're in
a public place and it's anybody can take pictures in fact you're getting your
picture taken pretty much every time you walk around in the casino not everything
here is free some people's what you know they're walking around and they see
stuff laying out it's not free it doesn't mean it's free just because
it's laying out now we will give you stuff there will be stuff there's gonna
be giveaways here we've got special lanyards and we've got special new coins
a select few of you will get things you'll get lots so please ask before you
assume that it's free one of the things you want to make sure you're gonna do
when you're here have a plan because a lot of these talks are gonna fill up
fast and it's gonna be really difficult especially when we're spread out as we
are where
some talks are here in 101 and other talks are over in Paris so please make
sure that you take it take a minute read your program see what the structure is
and go ahead and he asked for that hug go ahead and make sure that you know
what's going on so you know how much time you have and where you need to go
and we do have the source of knowledge
source of knowledge
where can we sign on
oh
so the source of knowledge is around somewhere they'll have a big light
yeah
contest ten events thank you very much
a source of knowledge into a contest an event you can sign up
it's pretty cheap and you can get all of the videos so in case you miss one you
You can go back and you can watch it later.
There are lots and lots of talks.
We've already gone over the fact that we put a lot of effort into making sure that there
are good talks for you and also the people that are speaking took the time to go through
and make sure that they've got good quality stuff for you to check out and listen to and
hopefully learn things.
Hopefully you'll learn things in more time where you can absorb them rather than the
ten minutes that Lost took to explain his processor, which was actually pretty interesting.
Remember to look that part up.
Also how many of you know that we have what are called villages at DEF CON?
Not very many of you.
So villages are actually places where you can go and you can get hands-on experience.
This is a list of the villages, biohacking village, car hacking village, crypto and privacy
village.
Internet of Things.
Lockpick village, hacking village, there are Sky Talks up on the top of Indigo, correct?
Tamper Evident village and Wireless Village.
These are places where if you're interested and you want to learn a little bit more about
say lockpicking or you want to learn how can I get that piece of tape off the back
of my computer without somebody noticing that I've taken it off, that you go to Tamper Evident
and they'll teach you how to do these things.
They're going to teach you how to hack, how to lock, pick locks, how to do all of that
stuff.
So this is something that you will need to put yourself out there in order to get a better
experience at DEF CON.
We also, contests and events, we talked about it, they're here at Bally's, they're back
in the Convention Center and there are 65 contests and events.
Way too many to list here but I want to go ahead and list a few that are highlights.
Lost Challenge.
Yes, his many challenges. Apparently he had a challenge last night getting the badges together.
Capture the flag is also a challenge.
Now this is going to be a challenge for you because the first time I came to DEF CON, the first two years, that's how I got to DEF CON.
My company paid for me to attend and be part of the capture the flag.
Choose your battles wisely.
I spent 36 hours straight the first capture the flag.
The second capture the flag was three days straight.
So this is one of those things where it takes a long time.
It's a lot of fun. You'll get a lot of experience.
You put together a team. It's awesome, but it also is going to take a lot of your time.
This year back is the EFF badge hack pageant.
If you don't know what that is, it is freaking hysterical.
And they have special...
They have special sashes this year for the winners.
But you can check it out on facebook.com slash EFF.
And this is one of the areas where you can hack the contests.
The whole point is to win a contest.
And there are rules, but all you have to do is stay within the rules.
You don't have to follow them explicitly.
They just have to be followed and you can hack.
And if you can hack the contest, you can win.
Some of these contests actually lead you to what's called blackouts.
Which is a black badge.
A black badge is a badge that can get you into DEF CON for free, bless you, for life.
Kind of a cool thing.
You register, it's a special badge designed by Lost, who's our celebrity, so I'll keep
pointing at him.
You want to hear something about it?
Yeah, please.
So other than the folks that were at my talk earlier, I'll give you guys a little tidbit
about the Uber badge this year.
So I worked with a gentleman who is a professional special effects guy in Hollywood.
And the badge this year has a telescoping, full articulated appendage.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
Awkward.
Awkward.
Anyway, you know, there are different contests that are black badge contests every year.
So it pays to participate in as many as you can.
If you win, awesome.
There's a good possibility that you could get a black badge.
Anybody know about demo labs or workshops?
A few of you do.
This is something that Seth knows.
He was on the board.
Workshops are awesome because this is an opportunity to actually get training.
Def Con offers you free or near free training opportunities.
They're about four hours each.
And the instructor provides whatever they need to provide.
And you either just pay for the parts or things like that.
This isn't like Black Hat where it's $5,000.
It's not like Sands where it's $5,000.
This is Def Con.
You're going to get something.
The community is going to provide you something.
And they're going to provide it to you for as little a cost as possible.
Demo labs also are an area where people can talk about whether it's tools that they've developed
or new techniques that they've used or whether it's a GUI front end for some command line tool.
Whatever it is, demo labs offer you an opportunity to actually see some things in action.
And they're relatively quick, 20-minute talks.
One of the other areas we have, two areas actually, we have SWAG, which is the official Def Con gear.
I highly recommend if you have not been to SWAG yet, get in SWAG.
It sells out fast.
All of the official Def Con stuff, that's where you can find it.
Now, the vendor hall is actual vendors.
One of the things that we try to do with vendors is we make sure that they have some sort of community support.
They're not just a T-shirt provider or something like that.
If you go to Hacker Stickers, as an example, you're going to be able to find something.
They're going to help you.
Like if you want to buy a lockpick set from Hacker Stickers,
they're going to teach you how to use that lockpick set.
Same thing with Siri Pick, which is another lockpick provider.
Now, one that is actually pretty cool, I'm wearing them right now, Gunners.
They provide eyewear that if you work in front of a computer or if you play a lot of video games,
the eyewear is awesome.
It will help you with eye strain and your eyes will not get as tired quickly.
So check out the different vendors.
We've got a whole bunch of different ones.
You look cool, too.
I do.
I look smashing in these.
So what are you doing?
Powerade is not a part of this.
Brought to you by Carl Junior.
There you go.
All right, this is awesome.
Guys, this is Romer.
Romer is amazing.
was the head vendor goon for
more years, pretty much since the creation of time.
Last time I spoke was at 101.
I got kicked off.
One of the things that Lost really wanted to say,
Lost tried to say during his talk, and I'm trying to say
here, is you need to reach out. Now I'm going to go ahead and borrow from Lost.
I'm going to take about 30 seconds. I would like you to turn to your neighbor
and introduce yourself. Seriously.
All right. That's a little more than 30 seconds, but I'm pretty happy
that this started that much conversation.
Guys.
Guys.
Please.
Now that you've made new friends, you guys can hang out later.
Remember, now that you have new friends,
you can now drink free beer with them when this is all over.
How many of you fisted?
Stop. Stop.
Oh, this is going to be on.
This is going to be on YouTube.
All right. One of the things I want you to do also, after this and outside of this,
make sure that you put yourself out there. Make sure that you put yourself in a position
where you can find things that other people are interested in that you might share in common.
As an example, tomorrow, during the day, in one of the penthouse suites in the Indigo Tower,
there's a travel con where it's an international meetup.
Any of you that are coming to the meetup, if you're going to be there,
if you're coming from a foreign country and you're concerned,
hey, I'm not sure if I'm going to find somebody that speaks the same language or has cultural things in common,
that's a place to go and meet people.
Also, after this, the Noob Party, this is a great place, an opportunity to mingle and actually meet people
because you're under no obligation.
You're here once.
You can find somebody and you can make a friend, and you can make that friend turn into some sort of opportunity,
whether it's to learn more.
Get another job.
You know, there's lots of things that you can find if you just simply reach out and find a friend.
I will tell you, it is very difficult for me because I do have social anxiety.
I am very awkward when I...
You get to hear it a little bit here.
It's easier because I'm talking to you and I don't actually have to interact with you.
I can talk at you.
If you wanted to start a conversation with me later, then, you know,
it's not a topic that I know something about, please.
But the important thing is skipping over the people who just won't let that joke die.
The important thing is, truly, if you find somebody who can connect with,
it's going to make a great deal of difference because DEF CON gives you what you put into it.
If all you do is go and attend a talk or all you do is go and you sit down and you do CTF
with your head buried in your laptop, unfortunately, that's what you're going to get out of it.
There's nothing.
So I want to make sure that everybody truly understands.
This is the triple dog dare.
You cannot turn this one down.
That's the way that it works.
Yeah.
I threw it out.
Triple dog dare.
That just happened.
Boom.
Well, I double dog dare.
Last one was double dog.
Here, just in case you missed it.
Triple dog dare.
Yeah.
Well, you know, this is one.
Do something you've never done before.
You know, if you're here and you're a sysadmin and that's what you do, find something else.
Get into Internet of Things or go in and, you know, check out one of the other contests.
Hack your car.
It's actually pretty cool, the stuff that those guys are doing.
Biohacking.
You know, this is something that's actually also kind of fun, too.
So just try the villages.
Go to a party.
I'm giving you the first opportunity to go to the party after this.
Again, free beer, just in case you missed it.
So now, I'm going to take a little bit and ask the people that are on the panel.
Basically, what I want them to do is introduce themselves and kind of give you an understanding
of what they did to get into DEF CON and what they got out of DEF CON and offer you any
kind of advice.
And I think if we start with Romer.
We'll go downhill from there.
No.
Honestly, Romer is the person that got me into DEF CON.
You know, like I said, I came here, I did two CTFs, but I met Romer.
And after that, you know, he actually came and worked with me.
We hung out.
We were friends.
He was the best man at my wedding.
So this is one of the things that you get when you meet somebody cool at DEF CON.
And it made me cry and shit.
All right.
First off, I will do all the shit you wanted me to do.
But I love these things.
And I just have to say fuck a few times because I'm basically 12 years old and I like saying
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck written across the screen.
You forgot the name of the fuck.
Fucking fuck motherfucker.
Yeah, sweet.
All right.
So I got into DEF CON.
Seriously, I'm fucking 12.
So I think the first DEF CON I came to was DEF CON 7 or 8.
And Russ, who is now like, I don't know what's his title.
Grand Poobah or something.
At the time, he just like, I came here as an attendee and he was a goon.
And he's like.
Hey, man.
Can you help me out?
This was back in the Alexis Park days, which I actually do want to go back to, whether
Priest does or not.
And so I didn't realize that that meant that for the next 16 years, I was basically going
to be spending three to 500 hours a week.
Or not a week, but a year.
Honestly, I'm pretty fucking awesome.
I can do that shit.
I didn't know I was going to be spending three to 500 hours a year preparing for DEF CON
for the next 16 years.
And then now I just sit around and drink, which is awesome.
I love being retired.
It's the best.
I cannot recommend it enough.
It's glorious.
All my friends were like dealing with badges last night.
I'm like, sucks.
I mean, one of the coolest things about what DEF CON was back then, though, was it was.
What?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It was really easy to go and just walk up to somebody and start a conversation.
I mean, Mike talked about it a little bit already.
You could like the pools at the Alexis Park were glorious.
You could just walk up.
You hear people talking about something that you're interested in.
You offer them a beer and you join in the conversation.
And that's basically I knew one person when I came to my first DEF CON.
Now I feel like I probably know about 15,000, which is pretty cool.
And Russ was a loser, too, man.
He fucking like go to bed at like 9 p.m.
Dude, everybody else is still awake because they're not there.
They're not like grandparents.
So, but, you know, from there, I kind of like wanted to get more involved because I thought this was really neat.
I'm like, I found people that dig the same shit that I dig.
They want to do the same stuff that I want to do.
They want to cause a lot of the same kind of trouble that I wanted to cause.
So, like, one of the things that's kind of cool this year, Mike mentioned the villages.
And seriously, it was like the Bubba Gump of villages.
Shrimp Scampa Village.
Don't forget the IOT village.
But one of the things the Wireless Village is doing this year was something that I started at DEF CON 10, I think.
Which was the first time we wardrobe Vegas.
And we did a war driving contest.
They're actually doing an old school war driving contest this year.
Which I think is kind of neat.
And it would be interesting to see what the wireless map actually looks like here now.
But, you know, one of the things that was really neat about the way things were, and Mike mentioned it with the contest.
When I ran that contest, I actually had only a couple of rules.
And the last rule was if it's not explicitly disallowed, then it's allowed.
And so, like, the first year that we did that, like I said, I think it was DEF CON 10.
The SHMU group read through the rules and they realized that nothing actually said they had to drive.
So they contacted one of the local news stations and said, hey, will you fly us around in your helicopter?
We'll give you a story.
They won the contest.
Then the next year, like, I think it was the Wiggle group, they looked at the rules and they didn't realize nothing said that it had to be Vegas.
And you got extra points for unique access points.
Ones that only your team found.
So they drove to L.A.
And they won, too.
So, I mean, yeah.
I mean, hack the contest is, like, the best thing.
But the most fun, like, as the organizer, that was the shit that I wanted to see.
What were you guys going to come up with that was going to make me say, holy crap, I wish I had thought of that.
That's awesome.
Next year I'm totally going to not let that happen.
So.
But, yeah, I mean, try to get involved.
Try to, like, I mean, like, go up to people at the bar and buy them a drink or ask them to buy you one.
That's a bold choice.
But it might work.
We had kids coming up last night.
It was weird.
Some dude came up to me today.
And he's like, hey, aren't you one of the organizers?
I'm like, yeah.
He said, I recognize your voice from the documentary.
And that really pissed me off.
Because I don't think I sound anything like that.
And I'm like, shit, my voice really does sound like that.
It really sucks.
I got this weird lisp I didn't even know I had.
I don't sound like that.
But, yeah, I mean, listen to the goons.
They're here to help you have a good time.
They're also a lot of really smart people.
And they're probably some of the best friends I've ever had or you guys ever will make.
So, thank you.
Hi, there.
My name is Emil Mofo.
And I run the scavenger hunt.
Instead of going to any talks, do not go to talks.
Unless they are relevant to your employment, you are paid to be here to go to that talk.
Do not go to talks.
What?
Three months from now, they will be posted on the internet.
What?
Instead, you should go and enjoy DEFCON.
Just don't do the scavenger hunt.
I don't care if you do the scavenger hunt.
Just don't go to talks.
Go to other.
So leave right now is what he's saying.
No, no.
You're on a talk.
Play the scavenger hunt.
We're fun.
That's TFU, dude.
No.
Holy crap.
All right.
I actually absolutely love the randomness of this.
So, next I'd like to invite HiWiz up.
HiWiz actually, like I said, he started DEFCON 101.
This was something that it was, you know, kind of a fun thing.
It was the rules, the frequently asked questions, which turned into a talk.
And...
Now it's turned into this.
Thanks for making me your next, asshole.
I'm not going to say much.
Just...
I'm not going to say much.
Just number one, a lot of the people up here didn't want a 101 at all.
Romer.
And lost.
The first year did not want 101.
Why do we need a 101?
Why do we need to help out the noobs?
Somebody has to teach you how to hack and you're not going to succeed.
Exactly. That was it.
And now, how many new people here?
Put your hands way up, all right?
Don't be scared.
Don't be afraid.
Raise your hands.
Because as everyone here has said and reiterated,
you're going to get out of DEFCON what you put into it.
You have to be an active participant.
You have, you know, 361 days a year where you can sit on IRC.
So log off.
All right?
Log off.
And go talk to people.
Don't sit in the hallways.
Don't do badge contests.
Don't sit in the hallways.
Don't play on your computer.
Go talk to people.
I did.
Yes, like many of these people did.
And that's how they got involved.
And if you come up to some of us later,
we'll give you challenge coins,
really cool challenge coins that Mike made.
And I'll have an interesting question later on
for when we play a game.
And the winners will get a pair of gunner glasses.
What?
Yes.
So that's it for me.
Mike, you're up.
Back up.
Back up.
All right.
Oh, and no, no, one other thing.
Any cute guys out there, you know,
if you want to hang out later,
just putting that out there.
Next, I'd like you to hear from Nikita.
Nikita is one of the organizers of DEF CON
and is super awesome.
Just in case you weren't aware,
she is awesome.
She's so awesome, I tweeted it.
We love you, Nikita.
Watch your nipples.
Because he is.
Okay, so this is really uncomfortable for me.
I have incredibly bad social anxiety.
So you will very rarely see me talk to this many people.
I get a little bit shaky,
so give me a break there, okay?
I work for DEF CON all year round.
I help organize the conference.
I am the...
Thank you.
I'm the director of...
Thank you.
I'm the director of the CFP board as well.
So a lot of the gentlemen on the CFP board
and ladies as well.
We have quite a few.
I help coordinate getting all these talks
that you don't want to go to
while you're here.
And then afterwards,
I have the pleasure of coordinating
getting them put up online
so that you can enjoy them there.
And so I do that.
And I kind of just...
bits and pieces here and there.
A little bit of everything.
Nikita makes DEF CON.
Thank you.
Let me just say,
it's Nikita and Ryan together
with his badges
and all the hard work Nikita does.
I mean, everyone else does a lot of hard work.
But between the two of them,
it is DEF CON.
They are the pure epitome of DEF CON.
Well, thank you.
That's a lovely...
That's a lovely compliment,
but I would be remiss
if I didn't speak up for all of the other
that we have and volunteers on staff as well.
And, you know,
we do have quite a matriarchy
within DEF CON.
Most of the organization
for some of the top level stuff
is all female, surprisingly.
Hotel, women.
Administration, women.
We've got...
It's true.
It's true.
Workshops, women.
Yeah, so just...
We are here.
We're just really busy.
So...
I don't know what else...
They asked...
All right, thank you.
I really want to encourage everybody
to just have a good time.
And come party.
Stay, party, have some drinks.
Do you want to talk about these?
I don't know anything about them.
Yes.
I have one around my neck.
These are special lanyards.
These are part of the stuff
that we're going to hand out to people.
If you are doing Lost Challenge,
you do need this.
You need to either see it,
take a picture of it,
get one.
So whatever you're going to do,
if you're going to do Lost Challenge
and try and figure it out,
you need to get one of these.
And with that, actually,
I would like for Lost to come up and speak.
So I don't want to talk very long
because you all heard me talking
just before this, so...
I've got ten minutes.
Let's redo the processor backwards.
We're going to start with the PlayStation
and end up with a rock.
When I came to my first DEFCON,
I didn't know anybody.
I decided that I had to prove to everybody
that I was worthy of being there.
So I competed in a contest
by a guy who goes by the name of Neural,
who's kind of disappeared from the scene now.
And I actually won that competition.
And from then,
it's just been downhill ever since for me.
In the fact that
Romer was talking about
how much time you spend during the year
getting ready for DEFCON.
He asked me when I start prep
for the stuff that I do.
And it usually starts midway through
this DEFCON.
I'll be already working on stuff for next year.
That's the only way I can get it all done.
And I would like to disagree
with HiWiz.
I don't think it's Nikita and I that's DEFCON.
It's all you guys that make DEFCON.
Seriously.
Because when I do the challenges
and stuff like that, that's just me
expressing
all of my crazy, weird
interests in puzzle form.
But watching people go through it
and seeing people come up with
clever and interesting ways
of solving the stuff.
In ways that I didn't even think of.
That's exactly what the spirit and epitome
of a hackercon is.
And so I feel very relaxed
when I'm at DEFCON, when I'm not
rushing around trying to fix problems.
Because I don't feel like I have to explain
my motivations behind a lot of stuff.
Because I'm with, you know,
like-minded individuals.
I like coming to a place where
I don't generally have to explain
my t-shirts to people.
Because, I mean,
all of us, at least I assume a lot of you
out here, have worn a t-shirt or two
that when you go to the grocery store
and the clerk looks at your shirt and doesn't know
what the hell they're looking at.
That's pretty common fare.
But you come to DEFCON and everyone's like,
you'll find somebody who understands your shirt.
No matter how crazy, off the wall, or complex it is.
Um, I, uh,
since we're introducing
what we've done, so I, uh,
many years ago at DEFCON
I had gotten a
robotics company, Parallax,
to donate a bunch of robotics kits.
And I started
at one end of the conference,
and I walked through the conference saying
who wants to learn how to build a robot?
And that's all I said.
And I walked from one end to the other,
and by the time I got to the other end of the conference
it was like the Pied Piper.
We didn't have a room,
we didn't have a place to do it, it wasn't a village,
and we sat down on the floor
of the contest area in the Alexis Park,
and I taught a robotics class
on the spot.
And from that, the Hardware Hacking Village was born.
That's how the Hardware Hacking Village came to be.
And that's the kind of stuff that we
want to encourage to happen, and we encourage
you guys to do. Several of the contests
that are out there now are people that used to
compete in my Mystery Box Challenge,
not the Batch Challenge, but I used to do
a much more difficult contest
called the Mystery Challenge.
And now they're doing things like the Darknet Project.
Those guys are awesome. If you haven't taken a look
or you haven't heard of it, go see
the Darknet stuff. Those guys do an amazing job.
They have a really cool badge
and they only make like 200 of them, so they're very...
If you want to see one,
go find those guys and take a look at them
because it's worth the time investment
to seek out these little niche things.
And there's all these little pockets
of community that kind of do their own thing.
There's other parties that have
puzzles that you have to solve to get into
the party. There's different
meetup groups and things like that.
So I would encourage you to
get involved and have fun.
I know everyone keeps saying we keep
belligerent. Yeah, interrupt me.
One thing that he didn't really
kind of gloss over on
the robotics class that he did,
that's the deaf-cronished thing
I've ever seen anybody do.
Ryan wasn't a staff member. He wasn't
running anything. He was a dude
that said, I want to teach people shit.
It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen
and I was like, who the fuck is this guy?
I've got to meet him. It was incredible.
And that's what deaf-cron really is all about.
Thank you. Yeah, because people
always ask, how do I get involved?
You make yourself get involved. You're a hacker.
Be active about these things. Don't sit
on your ass and wait for people to do it.
And in response to the thing
about the lanyards, apparently there's already
a Reddit up where people
are trying to collect all the information
and the pieces because people remote solve
the contest every year as well. We have people
in Germany. I know we have
a guy in Japan. And we have
people all over the country that have
people on the ground in the conference who are
remoting people in to work
on the conference. Yeah, but you married the
smartest one. And I was getting to that.
And I
actually met my wife that way.
One year, I
realized there was this young
lady who was being Skyped
in to team meetings because
I love walking around to see the different teams
working on my contests. That's the
joy for me of all the work that I do.
And I saw that they had
a laptop out and it was a Skype session. I was like,
what are you doing? And they're like, oh, we're Skyping in this
girl who solves your crypto really,
really fast. And we don't understand
how she's doing it. But she's great.
And then I went and saw another team. I was like, wait,
that's the same person. This is a different team.
And it's like fierce competition.
And I said, wait,
what's going on? And she was social
engineering the teams from home.
Wasn't even at DEF CON.
And had interjected and was actually part
of multiple teams.
And I've actually wound up married to her.
Yeah, so anyway.
So yeah, so guys,
there's hope for you out there. You could find,
you know.
Anyway, I've talked enough. I want to let other
people talk.
I think it's
time for Jay. Jay is the newest member
of our team.
Hi, Jay.
It's like Alcoholics Anonymous.
Hi, Jay. Welcome.
There is a Bill W.
living here for anyone. Oh, yeah, there is.
So, please.
Welcome, Jay. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So, I did
wanted to address Nikita
really quick because she said that everybody's
female on everything here
working it. She still needs us
to open her jars, so.
We are not obsolete, man.
We still can open jars.
What?
So, yeah,
this is my third DEF CON.
Last year was the first year I got to actually
work and help out and do anything
here. It was kind of fun. I met
this fool many, many years ago.
Crypt. Crypt bitch. Crypt year.
I think it is still.
Still crypt year? Crypt year
this year again? Okay, crypt year it is.
It's going to come up on the thing.
Thanks, Roman. So,
I met him many years ago and
he introduced me to this and he said, hey,
there's this thing called DEF CON. You should come to it.
It's a bunch of hackers. I'm like,
I don't know what a computer is. I can check my email
and that's about it. And I'm
serious. Really, I can check my email on Google now.
So, I'm doing well.
But, yeah, thank you.
I appreciate it. And
he told me to come to this and I had no clue
what it was. I didn't know, you know,
what I would learn or who I would
meet. But a large group of
people that are smarter than me, which is anywhere I go,
including Walmart, is a pretty exciting
place for me.
It's true. Cashiers are genius.
So,
he got me here finally after
probably about five years of trying.
And I showed up.
He said, hey, help me. Same thing as with
Romer. He said, hey, help me do this.
And now I'm working again.
I took time off of work
to come and work. I'm not sure why.
So, I'm here.
And I've tried to
solve the badge challenge.
I did not get past the very first
part. This is a badge.
I solved the first part.
So,
other than that, I can't
do anything with it. So, I need something a little more simple.
So, I
asked Lost over here. I said, hey,
is there anything you can do for
the simple-minded folk, such
as myself? He said,
probably.
And he did. So, he came up with
something quite exciting.
And this is a little
easier challenge. Supposedly, I'm able
to solve it.
So, I have some coins that
if anybody's interested in trying to solve this
and give me the answer so I can tell them I did it,
come and find
me. I have a couple I can probably get out
to you. And then there's some really rare
ones, which we haven't told anybody yet.
We're trying to get these to the goons.
Oh, you want one?
Let's see what we can do.
We're trying to get these to the goons, and
they have their own separate little thing on the
back. I would love to
have somebody figure this out for me
so I can look like I'm actually part of
the group. So, that's it.
Nothing else from me. Any questions?
Any answers?
Questions?
Yeah.
You're next, Casey.
As you were
talking about women again, I have to
get the last word.
So, at the party,
there's a group, and I'm
just kind of getting the information now
that is trying to organize stuff to
kind of get together and talk about diversity.
And so, they're going to be here passing out some information
and trying to get people together.
I don't know much about it. I'm just telling you now.
If you're interested in that, it's available.
But what I really also wanted to say
is we talked about deodorant
a lot, haven't we?
But ladies, that means you too.
Alright, thanks.
We've got two more speakers
that we've got, unless you guys are going to be real
upset about not speaking.
And then we're going to get to
the fun part, name that noob.
But to bring it down a little bit,
I'd like Casey to come up and talk.
Is everybody having a good time?
It's great to be here.
Well, I think I just wanted to tell you
a little bit about my first DEF CON.
When I came, I only knew one person
sitting right there. That's my little brother,
Ryan, and I'm very proud of him.
He does a lot of work for you guys.
And really
does it out of love for the community
and giving back.
It's been a really
interesting thing to see how my brother
has grown and
really come into his own in this community.
And I'm very proud of him.
So, after he
introduced himself
into DEF CON, after he'd been coming
a few years, he decided to bring in
the next wave, and he invited me
to come along with him. And I didn't
know anybody. And, uh, I
thought, hey, it's going to be a really cool weekend
hanging out with my brother. And
I came with him. He said, here, go carry
these boxes, and then he disappeared.
So, um,
I basically had to be
left to my own devices, you know, support him where I could
and everything, but he's a very busy guy at this thing.
And, uh, went out and
made my own set of friends. And I really felt
that first year that I had
one DEF CON, when on the last day
of DEF CON, HiWiz comes up
to me and he gives me a bump key that he
had gotten for me. And he says, hey, I got you something.
And this is, like, right before closing
ceremonies. And...
No, it was a run. Exactly.
And Ryan walks
up to me, and he looks amazed.
And he goes, he's talking to you?
And I said, yeah, he's talking to me. We hung
out all through DEF CON. I went to all the parties with him, with Tom,
and I had a good time. And he goes, but he
doesn't talk to new people.
So I felt like
I had kind of owned DEF CON. That year,
I went to talks.
I got a mohawk for charity.
And got to know
what have become my best
friends in the world. And I haven't missed
a DEF CON since DEF CON 17.
And I know it's redundant, and you've heard it
a lot, but I'm here to tell you that DEF CON
is going to be what you make of it.
Stretch beyond what's comfortable.
Oh, yeah!
And put yourself
out there. You will get to know some of the most
interesting things and some of the most interesting
people. And honestly,
what are likely to become
some of the best friends you'll ever make. This tends to be
a very close-knit and a very loyal community.
And I would invite you to do so.
All of us are approachable.
All of you are approachable.
Everybody, let's get to know each other.
Glad you're here.
So inappropriate.
Speaking of.
Alright.
Yes.
Crypt is here a few years
longer than Jay,
and actually has made a huge impact
on our team. So,
I'm going to ask him to come up.
First of all,
First of all, Ryan,
everyone complained last year about how big
you made the badges.
I think this year's ridiculous.
No, no.
They can't see because
they can't see you over there.
I'll get on my tippy toes.
Doesn't help.
Hey, I see his hair.
I'm trying to.
Okay, so I am
super, super tired, so I'm going to apologize
for everything. Oh, I'm loud.
I don't need a phone.
Can everyone hear me over there?
See?
I got the what, which is what I expected.
I honestly,
just want to thank
everybody on this stage
because if these great people
weren't here, I wouldn't want to come every year.
For me,
DEF CON actually,
except for this year, has never really been,
I've never been able to actually do all the fun stuff.
I've never been able to do Ryan's
challenge. I've never been able
to actually participate
in a contest or do anything at all, but
I've got to hang around with some of the most amazing
people I have ever met in my
entire life, and all of them actually
are here, and then some of them are still
working.
But I just want to thank
everyone, and you guys know how much work
you guys did this weekend, or this week,
and I appreciate
all the effort, because I asked a lot of
people, like Aunch
over here. He and I both have not
gone to sleep. I don't even remember when.
Yeah, so
I hope you guys
enjoy the badges.
Because otherwise they would have came in this
form, but. I hope you enjoy
them too.
But yeah, so again, thank you
everybody on stage, and
then thank you all of you. I hope to add you to
the collection of friends that I can't wait to talk
to next year. So you're going to give out
your cell phone number next week? Yes.
My cell phone number is
hiwiz.
No, thank you. Again, I'm super tired, so
thank you.
Regretting
my choices.
I do.
It's not just at DEF CON that I regret my
choices. So the fun part about
this is name that noob. One of the things that
everybody does, you've heard me introduce people,
Crypt, Lost, Jay.
You know, it's a handle.
This is a nickname. This is something that you
have. It makes it easier for
you to introduce yourself, put yourself
out there, and yet remain a little bit
anonymous. And
it's easier to remember people.
Because it's unique.
Hopefully it's unique. We're going to try
and give you something that's unique.
Did we give you one last year?
Are you Chaser?
You got one.
Okay.
You just have those faces.
Anyway, so what we're going to do
is we're going to ask people to volunteer.
No more than 25, please.
Can you guys help?
Yeah. No, no, but then at the same time,
we're going to stick around at the party.
If they come to the party, they can walk up to us, you know?
Yeah. And we can do this afterwards, too.
But what we're going to do is we're going to ask
you to introduce yourselves.
Cute guys.
Cute guys.
Yeah. You're done?
No, please.
Yeah. Pick people, please.
Will.
Can I go first?
Yeah. Yeah. Please. Let's get them lined up.
The faster we get this...
Yeah. Go like this.
Go over to the mic.
Go over to the mic.
Go into the light, children.
Go over to the mic, please.
Yes. Go.
Oh, what? No, that mic.
That mic.
Yes. Please.
Pick your son.
All right.
Wow. That's way more than 25.
This is your own fault.
Tin foil hat guy.
All right. Yes.
We may find ourselves in a lightning round,
but we're going to start with the first few.
We're going to ask you to introduce yourself.
I want to know where you're from.
I want to know what you do.
I want to know some embarrassing things about you.
Because you're putting yourself out there.
And I'm going to tell you a little...
Romer and I have a friend, Danny.
His handle is wad.
And Danny got his handle
because the first time that he was in charge
of putting in a password
for a demo that we were doing,
he typed it wrong.
P-A-S-S-W-O-D.
Well, so we were calling him Passwad.
And he said,
I'm wad.
Shortly after that,
we went into a club
where you make it rain.
And there were lots of black lights.
And Danny was wearing this shirt
that when he walked into the club,
it looked like a CSI crime scene.
We asked him why he decided
to wear his wad shirt.
So his name stuck.
Now, I'm not asking you
or any of you
to give us that level of information.
But please,
give us something to work with.
Because when you're earning a nickname,
you want it to be fun.
You want it to be something
that you're going to go ahead and say
when I go home and I log into IRC
slash nick,
chaser.
Alright, we're going to start
ladies first.
Hi, I'm Genevieve.
I'm an educator from San Jose, approximately.
And I have a 20-year-old
Hotmail email address
that I still use.
I still pass it out,
give it to people sometimes.
I get made fun of it for a lot.
Alright, there's one.
We want more embarrassing things.
Can you give me a prompt?
Give you a prompt.
Do you have a pet?
I do.
It's a mouse.
Thank you.
It was not a survey.
I have a mouse named Dis.
She had a sister named Dat.
Pardon me?
My mouse is named Dis.
Her sister is named Dat.
Dis and Dat.
Dis and Dat. Very nice.
Hotmail address?
No.
And I'm not telling you my Hotmail address.
Yeah, disandat at hotmail.com.
That's what I live my life as.
I think actually we have enough
to work with here.
Alright.
Double D.
Alright.
Ready?
We're playing a game.
Name that noob.
So when we go to name them,
I'm going to need you guys to participate.
Ready?
Name that noob.
Double D.
Please come up to the stage.
Please come up to the stage.
Wow.
That's funny.
Alright.
Thank you.
Thank you very much for participating.
Alright.
Sir.
My name is Dewey Oxberger.
My friends call me Ox.
Okay.
I'm Will.
I'm from the great country of Texas.
You can go with Ox, dude.
Oh!
Yeah!
However that's spelled A-U-X.
Yes, sir.
We didn't even get to say name that noob.
You, sir.
So my name's Jim.
I'm from Gulf Breeze, Florida.
I work for a spam and virus filtering company there.
I'm a senior system administrator.
Been in I.T. for 20 years.
Fourth DEFCON.
Don't have a name.
Yeah.
Come on.
A little bit better.
So what do you want to know?
Embarrassing thing.
I drove to school and took the bus home one day.
.
Bring it in.
.
.
.
.
.
Name that noob.
Short bus.
.
.
.
.
.
short bus, you know, 15. All right, you, sir. Hi, everybody. My name is Ben. I'm from
Denver, Colorado. By day, I pretend to be information security engineer, and by night,
I pretend to be a hacker. It's not a data game. Come on, let's go. Yeah, I mean, I suppose
I'm a long-time DEFCON, I guess what you call a lurker. I know a lot about DEFCON from what
I see and read and watch online, but this is my first time actually getting out here,
and I'm happy to be here. I can actually say now that I've been, so. Awesome. Yeah, tell
me, what's something bad about you? Yeah. Besides voyeurism. Something bad about me.
I don't know. Give me a further prompt. I can't think of one. Further prompt. Okay.
What would your friends have a really good time laughing about if they were here and
telling a story about you?
Yeah.
Maybe that's my problem, is, yeah, maybe I'm not exciting enough. Maybe that's what they can say.
Bring it in. Yeah, I think it's good. Uh-oh. Name that noob. Thriller. Come on.
Yeah, come on up. Wow. We should have called you directionally. Yeah. Thanks. All right. You, sir.
Hi, I'm a software engineer from Montreal. My name is Charles.
Yeah, Montreal!
Woo! The guy that was here before me has been in IT longer than I've been alive, so.
Um. This guy's 16 years old and self-taught since 12. I didn't say it. Um. I don't know much. What else do you want to know?
I got a question for you. I got a question for you. Quebecois? Yes. Absolument. Do you like gladiator movies?
No. Not token. Why was that question? All right. Give us something that you do besides playing with computers.
Stop it. Gymnastics. Gymnastics. Gymnastics. You like gladiator movies? You want a demo?
No, no, go on. Hey, what's going on? You're a gym. Come with that. Hey, what's going on? Hey, what's going on?
Thank you.
.
It's a hard one.
.
Sorry, I gave it away. All right. Name that Noob.
A.
Come on up here.
That's E-H for those of you who haven't been to Canada, eh.
Hey, everyone.
.
.
.
All right. Over here.
Hi. My name is Sam. I'm from Mount Via, California. Let's see, something random about me. I can
trace my entire interest in technology back to one book. It's Mark Ludwig's Little Black
Book of Computer Viruses. I screwed up my family's computer infinitely and got in way
too much trouble about it.
Wait, wait, wait. I'm going to stop you. Have we asked people about their computer experience
at all with this?
Yes.
Tell us a little bit more about embarrassing things about yourself.
Right.
Embarrassing. Okay. So I learned a lot from that book. I failed my intro to C programming
class later in life in college twice, but I got it on the third time.
All right. Name that noob. Rerun.
Rerun.
All right. Thank you.
Hey, everyone.
Toasty.
Yeah. First thing you need to know, you'll need to lower that mic. Okay. Whatever. My
name's Sam. I heard there's some people from Montreal in the audience. What's up, Montreal?
I'm Sam. I'm finishing my last year in computer science at Concordia University, Montreal.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I love the people here. I love my work. I love the people here. Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Sam. I think I'm Black and White now.
It's both black and white and white and black and white and white and white and white and
white, and that's the type of person I am.
Black and white.
I'm black.
What's your name?
Ali.
And I was on the bench asking everyone, who the fuck is not on the kickoff return right now?
And I was the lunatic one, yeah.
But basically, I don't know if that's embarrassing or not.
No.
Okay, we got this one.
This one is actually pretty easy.
Name that noob.
Eager Beaver.
Eager Beaver.
You, sir.
So, my name's Nick.
I'm from Idaho.
DEF CON and DEF CON related stuff really doesn't have anything to do...
Did we talk to you last night in line?
No.
No.
So, you have a doppelganger walking around CON.
Really?
Yeah.
DEF CON stuff really doesn't have anything to do with my job.
I'm a mechanical engineer by trade.
Okay, Nikita has a question.
Okay.
Don't worry.
I'm just as nervous.
I'm as nervous as you are.
All right.
What's the most recent photo on your phone?
It's going to be at the back of a badge.
Other than that, it...
Yeah, I said badge with a B.
Oh, God.
All right, the most recent embarrassing photo then.
Does it have to be of me?
Because I have a video.
I have a video of two co-workers dancing on a strip pole.
All right.
Name that noob.
Spuds.
Next.
Hi, guys.
First and foremost, thank you for welcoming us noobs.
My name is David.
I'm a help desk technician.
I'm pursuing my bachelor's in information security.
And I love doing it.
But I have no...
I have no rhythm.
I cannot dance for the life of me.
As much as I love dancing, I suck at it.
So that's probably the most embarrassing thing.
Oh.
Hmm.
What?
Do you want me to dance?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Stop.
Stop, stop.
Name that noob.
Initially, it was going to be Wal-Mart Greeter, but that's way too long, so we're going to
call you Guest.
Thank you.
All right.
Star Wars.
Hello.
I'm Karch.
That's with a K for whoever's typing that, I think.
And I am 6'8", so this is a little short.
But embarrassing facts.
Oh, I've been an app security professional for the last four years as a red team doing
penetration testing.
Embarrassing facts.
I knew nothing about hardware hacking.
So.
I think I'm going to give up on this until I get back some other place.
And when I was six, I jumped off the top of a slide to prove to a girl that guys are braver
than women.
Just so you know, the contest is less than 5% hardware hacking.
Well, I know somebody has plugged this into a computer so that they can get into the chip.
I don't even know how to do that, so.
But you can read, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
I've been thinking it's a version here.
But I'm not sure yet.
Yes.
All right.
Name that noob.
Reading Rainbow.
You, sir.
My name is Rich.
I'm from New York.
I do digital forensics and incident response.
Three things that's kind of embarrassing about me.
So.
In the second grade, I got my head stuck in a chair because I thought I could fit through
like the other side.
I can't whistle.
And my last name is Cyrus.
And a lot of people relate me to Miley Cyrus somehow.
Clearly.
You know?
So.
Three.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Name that noob.
Wrecking Ball.
Yeah.
Back to you.
All right.
You, sir.
Hi.
My name is Ryan Coriel.
I am from Denver, Colorado.
I am a security analyst.
And embarrassing things.
My entire group of friends in college came up with a new slang word for vomiting because
of a bad night with some mixed blended Irish whiskey by the name of Clan McGregor.
And the nickname for vomiting is moose.
Because apparently it sounds like moose.
And it sounds like a moose call.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But aside from that, I'm from Maryland.
I am a Technical trainer for a bunch of brats on Capitol Hill.
No.
I'm joking.
I like my job.
And three embarrassing facts, I guess.
I've been told I have a face only for radio.
Favorite movie was Gremlins.
My younger sister taught me to tie my shoes when I was 5 and she was 3.
I didn't start drinking until I was 31, so that's about it.
Late bloomer.
All right.
He makes Ryan's back look as good as what she's trying to say.
Give him guns, man.
Do you have a permit to bring those in here?
All right.
Name that new gun show.
Hi, my name is Liz Da Silva.
I'm from Brazil.
I live in Toronto.
I work as an instant responder.
Fun fact is before coming to DEF CON, before becoming a mom,
I can't remember where I put my stuff.
It's everywhere.
Everything I lose.
So before coming to DEF CON, I forgot where I put my glasses.
So it's a challenge for me to come to the talk
and see the screen.
So I'm always trying to look for places in the front.
And I know a lot of people here,
but I can't identify people from this.
Thank you.
All right.
All the teamers say aye.
Aye.
Yes.
So name that new peepery.
All right.
Next.
Hello.
I'm Helen.
And if you can't tell, I'm from England.
Yay.
I've been sent here by my university.
I'm a PhD researcher looking at online communities.
And I'm going to watch you all.
My embarrassing facts.
The first thing is I had a 10-year illness.
And it needs me to go and get jabs every now and then.
Every time I tell the nurse,
what was wrong, she laughs for a good five minutes.
I had a wandering spleen.
Thank you.
Yep. And the other thing is I fall asleep a lot.
So in my office, I have the desk at the back,
right in the corner.
And every now and then, people will come looking for me.
They'll find me curled up under the desk.
And I'm not sorry.
Oh, so many things.
Okay. Name that noob.
Pins.
Pins.
Really?
Come on.
Ooh!
Did you say jabs?
Jabs.
Jabs.
Pins, cushions, what?
All right.
We're going to work a little bit more on that one, because you offered us a lot of material.
Just send us something from your hotmail.
All right, sir.
Hi, my name is David Smith.
Dave, I currently come from the greatest city on the planet, which is Seattle, Washington.
Yeah, baby.
I'm a security engineer with Nest.
I have no social skills, so nothing embarrasses me,
but I can pretty much guarantee that there's nobody in this room that's from where I grew up,
which is the great province of Newfoundland.
I win.
All right.
Yeah, we're going to need a little bit more information.
Just because you're not embarrassed doesn't mean we won't be embarrassed for you.
Try it.
Try it.
What's that?
Try it.
Try it.
You're not super interesting, but is there anything interesting about you?
Right.
If I had an accent, you wouldn't understand me.
That's true.
Yeah.
It's like the only place nobody has ever been to.
Okay, there we go.
All right, we're going to do it.
Name that noob.
Screech.
Yeah!
All right, we're going to do five more.
Two from that line, three from that line.
Afterwards, you guys can come up and we'll work with you, but we've got to set up for the party.
So we're going to kind of wrap it up.
Okay, let's go.
Hi, guys.
My name is Gary.
I am from Sydney, Australia, now in Virginia.
I am an operations engineer for an internet security company.
And the first product launch after I started working there was version 6.14,
and I made fun of the entire staff on it.
I was on an all-hands call because no one realized that 6.14 was pi.
Really?
I know.
Name that noob.
Real genius.
Come on up.
Rainbow connection.
Go ahead.
Hi, I'm Jason.
I design power electronics.
I wanted to shout out to Wrecking Ball.
Because I, too, got my head stuck in a chair in second grade, as well, so it's kind of weird.
Also, when I'm really drunk, I like to do Arnold Schwarzenegger accents, voices.
But you're going to have to buy me a drink first, so I can't.
We're kidding you, because they were talking to me.
I didn't hear.
And you had to do it.
All right.
Apparently, we had it right the first time.
So we're going to name that noob.
Rainbow connection.
All right.
Over here.
Hello.
My name is Ariana Southwick.
Although I'm currently getting it changed to Dahlia, my mother is known to most as Banshee.
I like to go where the wind takes me.
When I'm really drunk, I try to speak four different languages that I know decently,
and usually get all of them mixed up together.
And I was working staff at B-Sides.
Hold on.
Hold on.
What are the languages?
Japanese, Korean, Spanish, and Ukrainian.
Do you speak Korean better?
Do you speak Korean better?
No.
Not that Korean.
Not that Korean.
Not that Korean.
South Korean.
Okay.
Please.
Please continue.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I'm sorry.
I was working staff at B-Sides this week, and I decided to install a phone software
update and bricked it.
Because nobody warned me.
Take your name back.
Okay.
Do we have anything?
Bring it in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Name that new.
Rosetta Phone.
All right.
Next.
Hey.
You can come up on stage.
Let people.
You said.
My name's Matt.
I'm an electrical engineer.
And I crossed over to the dark side.
Now I'm project manager for an internet company that streams cat videos.
videos. Um now uh the cringiest thing I've ever done was put my World of Warcraft guild on a
resume and actually got the job. Um and I still cringe to it to this moment.
Alright. Name that noob. Bold move. Just come on up princess. Princess. Just come on up.
Alright. I don't know they're cute. Yes please. Hi um my name is Yordana. I'm a
computer programmer and I think the most embarrassing thing I have is I'm such a class
I've been here for like three weeks a month and I'm all bruised. I've been to the ER once
and I have scrapes and bruises all over me. Audience participation that is actually really
good. Name that noob. Patient zero. Last one right? Last two guys. Okay. You two guys
are the last ones. Um. Wow. So I'm proxying for princess. You're what? I said I'm proxying
for princess. Oh. So my name is Keith. I'm a student from Boston Mass. Anyone? Anyone?
No one? Um. And.
Last night something embarrassing happened to me. I tagged along for a vendor party over
at the MGM Grand. Anyone there? Uh. Might have had too much to drink. Think that's enough
about that story. Something else is I work at Walmart.
Wait wait what did he say? Wait what did he say? No no come on. Give it to us.
Well. I don't know. I didn't really embarrass myself but it could have ended badly. You
know. I don't know. So the story wasn't about you. You were just. No I. It was about me.
I was there. You were just a tag along. Yeah. I was the one that got wasted. Just a tag
along. Ready? Name that noob. Tag along. Yes. I'm going up.
Okay. So uh. I'm Isaac. I'm from Portland and I'm actually a high school student. I'm
not a high school student but a hacker in training. And um. Yeah. I'm actually a only
chick student who's up on the stage right now. And um. So my embarrassing story would
be like the first time that I ever used a computer. Um. It ended up being fried and
uh. Had tons of Rick Rolls all over it. So. Yeah. Alright.
No I think it's. You can't say what I'm. I know. I know. I cannot say what I'm saying.
It's very inappropriate. You cannot say that. We can go. That would get us arrested.
Anybody? He's pretty. I mean that's. I mean I kind of agree with that. Oh pretty? Yeah.
Yeah. That's good. Oh he's teacher's pet. Yeah. Teacher's pet. Yeah. But we're gonna
pick on you. And you are. Name that noob. Teacher's pet. Come on up. Alright. I appreciate
it. Alright. One moment. And it's only for one reason. Everybody stand up. Kanye.
No. I'm not trying to get this. I'm gonna give you the mic in a minute. Everyone stand
up. Stand up. Stand up. We've been standing. We've been sitting here for how long now? Stand
up. Ten minutes. On your feet. I know I'm louder than the mic. Alright. Alright. Alright.
Now everybody. Oh. Boom. That's all you gotta do. Just follow after me. That's it. Get
your. Get your air. Get all excited. Dude. Kanye. No. Okay. Just. Kanye. Come on up.
Kanye. Woo. Taking my microphone. Alright. I'm gonna let you finish. Yeah. I'm gonna
let you finish. Alright. So. Oh. Boom. Like I said. I'm gonna let you finish. I'm gonna
let you finish. Yeah. We'll do. We'll do some more afterwards. I really appreciate
everybody. You know. Participating. It truly is the most fun part about this talk. Um.
And it's one of the things that we really enjoy because this is a way to get. Get to
know each other. It's a way that you guys can start to reach out. You know. Again.
I'm telling you. Put yourselves out there. It's really important for you to be able
to do what these people just did. That's very brave. And I'm very proud of every single
person that did that. Cause that's some scary stuff. We've seen some scary stuff. We've
seen some scary stuff. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna read the comments. I'm gonna read my
own comments. I'm gonna read my own comments. Um. You know. Um. You know. And the last
thing I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do some thank you's. First. Dark tangent. Jeff Moss. He
is the guy who started Def Con. And he is the reason that everybody is here. Uh. Truly.
And Romer. Because he's the guy that got me into Def Con. And. I'm really happy that
you know. I was able to do that. It was something that you know. It was a fun experience.
well i'll get all weepy um highways again you know he started 101 and his friendship has meant
a lot to me uh a whole list of people crypt nikita lost jay uh arch um only chick i apologize i didn't
even know you were gonna be here um runner up uh who is highways is better half um
oh i'm sorry totally single man
russ um russer and panadero pushpin who is uh one of the guys who's a vendor goon and
is actually a lot of fun uh clutch alex rogan and jen are not here and medic um alex rogan
jen and medic were the first ones that i truly uh hung out with and jen was absolutely hysterical
if you get her drunk she'll make snow angels in the grass
you know everybody else that's ever been a vendor goon it's really important um you know to
recognize the the goons all do everything uh and they do it for the con you know um and it's so
they don't often get recognized but the goons are are an important part of this and anybody
that i've forgotten to thank if you're out there you know like if you've got a really long beard
and you start with evil rob you might not be on the list
still
so i appreciate it um if you guys have any questions if you just want to chat come on up and
then like i said stick around they're going to be wheeling in the bars if they're not already out in
the lobby and anyone watching on tv same thing yeah anybody that's watching on tv first of all
shame on you for not being here but second of all come on down and participate you know get
be part of it all right thank you guys thank you