The greatest worm ever

By chop_dice_mince




The auditorium hummed with conversations. A woman walked to the podium in the center of the room.

"Hello, everyone. Thank you for coming out on this Saturday afternoon. Welcome to the very first PRE-DEFCON Meetup."

The audience became quiet.

"It's only a few more weeks until 1984, but I would like to wish everyone an early happy new year. I would also like to thank the Stanford Atom-Smashing Center allowing us to meet in this auditorium, and the Moonshine Computer Club for sponsoring the food tonight."

Applause filled the room.

The woman glanced at a clock on the wall. "I'm sorry about the food. It should have arrived by now." She turned to a man standing near the door. "Joe, could you check on the caterer?" Joe gave a thumbs-up and disappeared.

The woman continued speaking. "My name is Buffy, the Overflow Slayer. Tonight, we will discuss a serious topic: the state of surveillance in the United States. As you know, for many years now, our government, affectionately called Surveillance Sister, has been intruding on our privacy, in the name of security. In many cities around the nation, cameras are popping on top of buildings, monitoring the movements of citizens."

Buffy pounded her fist into her palm. "We must protect our rights and privacy. At the end of tonight's talk, I will reveal a new project which you can join, to fight against Surveillance Sister. Hopefully, many of you brought your computers. After the talk, we will move to some nearby offices and start hacking."

The audience murmured with excitement.

Someone in the front row raised a hand. "Does it matter what computer we have? I have an IBM PC. It's in my trunk."

Someone else in the audience spoke. "Me, too. I also have an IBM PC."

"Me three."

Buffy spoke. "That's great. No matter what computer you have, we will try to find a task for you."

Another person in the back asked, "What about an Apple Lisa?"

His buddy sitting next to him joked and sneered, "Ooh, look at Mr. Moneybags, being able to afford an Apple Lisa."

The audience chuckled.

Buffy answered, "I'm not too familiar with the Lisa."

Another person commented, "I have a Compaq Portable."

Gasps came from the audience. "I've been wanting one of those for weeks."

Buffy spread out her arms. "Everyone, thank you so much for your interest. Your motivation is wonderful. Please, we will have plenty of time after the talk to plan and hack."

Buffy walked to the overhead projector of the front of the room and turned it on. She glanced at a corner of the auditorium. "Could someone get the lights?" The auditorium went dark.

"We all know that Surveillance Sister is a tough foe. I want to talk to you about some brave people who stood up against her, and made some progress, but they paid dearly. We can study their actions and learn from their mistakes. Our fight will be long and arduous, but many will come after us, continuing where we left off."

Buffy changed the transparency. A man's face appeared on the projector screen.

"Does anyone know who this is?" Silence.

"This is Tomas Gander. He worked for ten years in the mighty branch of the military nicknamed 'the Chair Force.'"

A few audience members laughed.

"Gander was an analyst for the foreign intelligence agency which we all know and love, the PIA (Payers of Informants and Assets). Later, he joined that all-seeing national security apparatus, the ICU (Is the Constitution Unconstitutional)?"

Buffy looked around sternly.

"Gander spoke out against the massive waste of taxpayer money at the Trinity, the triangular headquarters of the GoD (Gutting of Dinero). In retaliation for his whistleblowing, Gander was charged under the Spying Act, which was passed in 1917." Buffy smiled. "This happens to be the same year that Lenin led the Bolshevik revolution in Russia. Coincidence? You be the judge."

"Gander was only the fourth person charged under the Spy Act. Does anyone know who was the first?" The audience was silent. "Here's a hint: Vietnam War...Trinity Transcripts..."

Someone sheepishly asked, "Donald Iceberg?"

"That's absolutely right. Later, many charges against Gander were dropped. Gander was one of the first whistleblowers at the ICU. But even though he followed the whistleblower laws, the ICU destroyed his life, professionally and financially."

Some audience members in the front shook their heads.

Buffy nodded. "I know how you feel. Save your fortitude and anger. Things are about to get worse." She changed the transparency, and another man's face appeared. "Does anyone recognize this man?" Again, silence.

"This is Wilhelm Finney. He also worked at the ICU. Finney was technical director of a project called SlimString, which could filter out unimportant data, anonymize the identities, prevent terrorist attacks, and cost only three million dollars. Guess what happened."

Someone from the back yelled out. "The government botched it up."

Buffy smiled. "Close. The ICU killed SlimString and started a project called Taxblazer. What did this project do? Simply, imagine billions of your taxes being doused with gasoline and lit on fire."

The room roared with laughter.

Someone asked, "Why did the ICU choose Taxblazer instead of SlimString?"

Buffy put her hands on her hips and sighed. "You must be new around here." She shook her finger at the audience member. "Military contractors have to put food on the table, too."

Some audience members in the front smiled.

"Finney spoke out against an ICU project called SW (Searches without Warrants), which stored domestic phone calls and domestic emails. One day, while stepping out of the shower in his house, Finney had a gun pointed to his head by an agent of the FSB (Federal Security Bureau). The FSB confiscated Finney's computer and never returned it, even though Finney was never indicted."

Boos came from the audience.

Buffy changed the transparency again, showing the picture of another man.

"Mark Small was a communications technician at the greatest telephone company of all time: AS&S (American Surveillance & Sycophancy). There was a secret room, Room 101A, which he was afraid to talk about, until after he retired. Only one person could enter room 101A, and that was a guy who worked for the ICU. The ICU said that Room 101A was sweeping only communication in which the sender or receiver was foreign. But Small knew that the equipment being used was sweeping domestic-to-domestic communication, a violation of the Fourth Amendment, about warrantless searches."

Catcalls came from the audience.

Buffy changed the transparency, showing the picture of another man. "Surely, you must know him."

Someone in the front yelled, "Edward Igloo. And stop calling me Shirley!"

Buffy put her hand on her forehead and shook her head. "I've seen that movie only about four times."

"Edward Igloo was a 29-year old system administrator at a contractor for the ICU called Loose Cannon Happenin'. Igloo revealed the details of an ICU project called SPECTRUM (Surveillance Program Especially Catered To Read UR Messages)."

Buffy held up nine fingers.

"Nine well-known tech companies provided data to SPECTRUM. 98% of SPECTRUM data was provided by only three companies: Googol, Microsoft, and Yoohoo! The remaining SPECTRUM data was provided by six companies: ALO (America Lives Online), Apple, ChapChat, MeTube, PeSky, and VanityBook. One notable company who did not participate in SPECTRUM is Tweeter. Imagine that. Only one company had the guts to say 'No' to the ICU."

A few audience members clapped.

"After his revelations, Igloo fled to Hong Kong, and then Russia. Igloo greatly admired whistleblower Tomas Gander, using him as an example of what to do and what not to do. Gander and other whistleblowers could not prove their allegations of government wrongdoing, because the government had classified certain information. Consequently, when Igloo became a whistleblower, he brought information with him, and he also went public with the information."

Buffy looked around the audience. "Are you all still with me?"

An audience member yelled, "Preach it, Sister!"

Buffy changed the transparency, showing a diagram of a surveillance camera.

"This part of the talk is where all of you come in. This is one of the cameras used by Surveillance Sister."

Buffy waited a few moments to let the audience examine the diagram.

"Surveillance Sister has tens--hundreds---of thousands of these cameras, across the nation. They are controlled and monitored by computers from a Mexican company called 'Semillas.' The computers use a program called Paso 7 and a programmable logic controller called the P7-400. Also, the computers are air-gapped from the web."

Buffy lifted her index finger. "Our goal will be to write a worm which will infect the computers. We will put the worm on a floppy disk and find someone who has access to the computers. When the person inserts the disk and runs an installer, the worm will spread across the internal network. When the worm finds a camera, it will cause the camera to overheat, or keep moving until its motor is worn out. All this time, the worm makes the camera display pictures as if nothing is wrong."

The audience cheered.

Buffy looked at the clock. "The catered food still has not arrived. We could call this project 'Operation Hunger Games.'"

Just then, Joe popped back into the room. "Buffy! The caterer is on their way. But in the meantime, I got a lot of food from a student group. They were hanging out, after service at the synagogue. They had a lot of leftover bagels, lox, and schmear. Everybody, please help yourselves."

Buffy smiled. "Joe, please go back to our new friends and wish them a 'Shabbat Shalom.' It looks as if 'Operation Hunger Games' is going to be a joint operation between Israel and the U.S."

Someone commented, "Buffy, that's great that we can help protect the privacy of all citizens. But 'Operation Hunger Games' is somewhat long. Maybe we could have a shorter, catchier name.”

Buffy put her hand on her chin and looked at the floor. "We're going to hit Surveillance Sister hard, and she will chase us. Do you remember that childhood chasing game 'Goose, Duck, Duck?' We could call this project 'GoDuckDuckNet.' But that is also a mouthful. Let's call this project...'DuxNet.'"